Snowpocalypse Now, Redux

DC is all ablaze with this ginormous snow storm that shit down on us on Friday and Saturday. The final countdown was anywhere from 17 in to 38 in or more. DC itself got 20 inches, which is substantial for any northern city. The city is at a standstill. It's Monday and people still don't have work, and there is no end in sight. And the best part is that we're supposed to get another storm on Tuesday and Wednesday, and there's even talk that another storm might hit us next weekend.

Woof.

This is extremely rare. We have had two storms already this winter that measure in the Top 10 of the Worst Storms on record for DC. This last one hit #4. Everyone has been speculating as to what might have caused this. Here are some of my favorite theories.

Hell is currently freezing over because a Republican took Ted Kennedy's seat.

The weather is spiting Obama's statement that DC doesn't have real winters and that we're basically all pussies. That showed him! Way to shut the government down for an entire week!

Tai Shan, the panda born in the National Zoo a few years ago, finally left for China on Thursday. We all thought that he would be happy to get out of his parents house and go meet some girls, but apparently he misses us. My favorite name for the snow storm is Tai Shan's Huge Dump.

I personally have my own theory, which I believe is the only possible reason why all of this is happening: my best friend is in town. Bridget has a way of attracting horrific weather. Since she came down to DC to do research at the National Archives, we have had exactly three snow storms, each one worse than the next. And it's not over yet. DC is supposed to get yet another snow storm with accumulations from 10-20 inches. Seriously, Bridget. What the hell?

I'm supposed to drive to Massachusetts on Tuesday, but it's looking less and less likely that I'll even make it that far. The snow is already past my knees, and with another 10-20 inches, I'm not sure I'm even going to be able to walk through the snow without getting majorly stuck.

DC isn't really the best city for snow. We have exactly 5 plows, and none of them have any idea what they're doing. They drive 30 miles an hour barely scratching at the 8 inches of packed snow already on the road.

Yeah, this next storm is going to be fun.