Airport Adventures (or why the universe wants me to be fat)

Here I am, sitting at the airport, having missed my first flight to Newark. The man sitting next to me is wearing the same cologne as my dad, and I keep looking over, hoping to find my dad. Instead it's a man with a Trebek mustache and bleach-stained pants. He doesn't look like the person who would appreciate being called "dad" by a complete stranger.

But let me back up. It didn't always have to be this way. I was actually on time this morning (surprisingly). Unfortunately, the universe has a way of slapping me in the face whenever I try to get anywhere early.

I went to the gym last night. The gym close to my house was having a fantastic deal, and I signed up for a 30-day trial for $15. "Great!" I thought to myself, "I can finally get back in shape and get a jump start at heading off the holiday season weight game." I decided that I would head to the gym after work to take full advantage of the discount.

When I arrived at the gym, I was immediately taken on a tour and then sat down with one of the lovely gym employees to officially sign me up. Since I had done everything online, it didn't show up in the system, so I was required to leave my ID at the front desk (you see where this is going). Well, being the idiot that I am, I left it there when I went home.


Flash forward to this morning... I called my cab, got in, and he took me to the airport. When I went to pay him, I realized that my ID was still at the gym. In near hysterics, I urged the cabbie to step on it (no, I didn't actually say those words. I'm not *that* cliché). This was at 6:37. My flight was at 7:30. In a mad dash to Allston and back, we made it to the airport by 7:20. I rushed into the airport, not forgetting to give my cabbie the biggest tip that I could.


I pleaded my case to the sympathetic attendant at the check-in counter who escorted me through the security line. This is despite the guy at the security check point who insisted on asking me every question he could think of, all the while making me more and more anxious about missing my flight.


Him: What is the purpose of your trip?
Me: Business.
Him: What kind of business do you do?
Me: Educational travel.
Him: Did you pay for this trip, or did they?
Me: They did.
...ETC....


With my laptop still in my hand, I ran to the gate, which was, thankfully, right next to the security line. But, my luck being terrible, the gate attendant informed me that they had just closed the door and, no, they couldn't open it back up for a 25-year old who would be late for work if they didn't. No amount of pleading would make them change their mind, not even the semi-genuine tears that threatened to fall down my cheeks. One of the women took pity on me, however, and assigned me to the next flight to Newark, departing in an hour and 15 minutes.


So, here I sit, already late for my first meeting, sitting text to my dad's olfactory twin, waiting for the next flight to take me to New Jersey to see hotels.


The moral of the story? Apparently the universe doesn't want me to go to the gym, and will punish me every time I try to get healthy.



Yeah... that's the right thing to take away from this situation, right?

Snowpocalypse Now, Redux

DC is all ablaze with this ginormous snow storm that shit down on us on Friday and Saturday. The final countdown was anywhere from 17 in to 38 in or more. DC itself got 20 inches, which is substantial for any northern city. The city is at a standstill. It's Monday and people still don't have work, and there is no end in sight. And the best part is that we're supposed to get another storm on Tuesday and Wednesday, and there's even talk that another storm might hit us next weekend.

Woof.

This is extremely rare. We have had two storms already this winter that measure in the Top 10 of the Worst Storms on record for DC. This last one hit #4. Everyone has been speculating as to what might have caused this. Here are some of my favorite theories.

Hell is currently freezing over because a Republican took Ted Kennedy's seat.

The weather is spiting Obama's statement that DC doesn't have real winters and that we're basically all pussies. That showed him! Way to shut the government down for an entire week!

Tai Shan, the panda born in the National Zoo a few years ago, finally left for China on Thursday. We all thought that he would be happy to get out of his parents house and go meet some girls, but apparently he misses us. My favorite name for the snow storm is Tai Shan's Huge Dump.

I personally have my own theory, which I believe is the only possible reason why all of this is happening: my best friend is in town. Bridget has a way of attracting horrific weather. Since she came down to DC to do research at the National Archives, we have had exactly three snow storms, each one worse than the next. And it's not over yet. DC is supposed to get yet another snow storm with accumulations from 10-20 inches. Seriously, Bridget. What the hell?

I'm supposed to drive to Massachusetts on Tuesday, but it's looking less and less likely that I'll even make it that far. The snow is already past my knees, and with another 10-20 inches, I'm not sure I'm even going to be able to walk through the snow without getting majorly stuck.

DC isn't really the best city for snow. We have exactly 5 plows, and none of them have any idea what they're doing. They drive 30 miles an hour barely scratching at the 8 inches of packed snow already on the road.

Yeah, this next storm is going to be fun.

A Nintendo Love Story

My mom moved out of my childhood home this summer. She packed up all of the junk that had been collecting dust in my garage and attic and tried desperately to find somewhere to put it. Among the things she packed up was my brother and my old Nintendo and Super Nintendo. My mother, being the wonderful person that she is, asked both my brother and I if we wanted them. My brother passed, the fool that he is, but I decided to hang onto them, because you never know when you might be in the mood for some Duck Hunt.

Boy, was that a good idea. The box has been sitting next to my TV for about 6 months. Finally, on Sunday, I decided to open it up and see if I couldn't hook something up. What I found was a veritable cornucopia of 90s awesomeness. As I pour through my old games, I found a well of nostalgia I didn't even know I existed. I barely played when I was younger! But I could remember hours and hours of watching my brother play, cringing whenever he made a wrong move, or trying to jump with him as he dodged opponents. Yes, I was THAT kid.


I started out with Metal Marines, on Super Nintendo. I used to play this game constantly, rarely getting past level 2, but always coming back for more. I became determined to beat it. I would finally defeat the game that had thwarted me for so long. I sat down at 3 pm, thinking that I would play for an hour or so. I looked up 7 hours later, and realized that the entire night had past. Opps.

The best part about this rediscovery however, were people's reactions. My best friend laughed. My boyfriend sighed and shook his head. When I told my cousin, who had spent about as much time watching my brother play the game as I had, immediately burst into the theme song for Metal Marines as if she had heard it yesterday. We both started singing along at the top of our lungs in the middle of the restaurant, and got more than a few stares.

I have yet to get to my Nintendo. I was having too much fun to switch systems. But I did realize that the last game I played on Nintendo was Duck Hunt. I'm glad that my former self had as good of taste that I have today.

For anyone who has a Super Nintendo, I fully recommend the throwback. The early 90s were simpler times, with easier controllers and blocky graphics. No need for cameras to watch your actions or voice commands. It was easy- up, down, left, A, right, B, up. What more could a nerd ask for?

Why I love DC

There are many of you who didn't understand why I moved away from Boston to live in the nation's capital. Well, here are some reason why I love Washington, DC:

• There is no other city where you can go to some of the biggest museums in the world, for free.
• The DC Metro system is one of the best in the world, and I have become a master.
• This is one of the few cities where jobs are actually hiring (Thank GOD!)
• There is more culture than an anthropology major can shake a stick at (Trust me, I've tried.)
• Every part of the city, from Petworth to Eastern Market, has it's own feel and identity, making it so there is always somewhere you fit in.
• The Cherry Blossoms, although they attract a gazillion tourists, are one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. Trust me, you can't go down to the Jefferson Monument during cherry blossom season and soon forget it. It sticks in your mind forever.
  
• The Smithsonian is here. Nuff Said.
  
• This city seems to attract young people. There is a plethora of recent college grads seeking to make the world a better place. This makes for very interesting bar conversations.
  
• In relation to the last point, so many of my friends are here, from all different parts of my life. I never get bored.
• DC bartenders pour 1.5 shots for every drink. Plus, if you do your homework, you can find some great deals on drinks. This makes for very cheap, and very eventful nights.
  
• There is always some festival or concert or happening here. And most of them are free (Do you see a pattern here?)
• When the Red Sox come to the Nat's stadium (or Camden Yards for that matter) the tickets are CHEAP and you get amazing seats.
• The springs here are absolutely gorgeous and I wouldn't miss them for the world.
• Even in the winter, it doesn't get too cold that you want to gnaw your own fingers off. But we still get some major snow. (Anyone here about that 17in blizzard we had in December? Yeah.)

All in all, I love this city. It took me a little while to realize it, but now I couldn't imagine a better place. Everything I could possibly want is right here. Now you just all need to come visit me. Trust me, I have a place for you to crash.

Abby's Pet Peeves, Part 1

I don't know if any of you have this, but there is one person who I am (reluctantly) friends with on facebook who does this constantly. I can't stand it.

This person, who shall remain nameless, except for the vast amounts of character description, will constantly update his facebook status. I have no problem with that. I do that all the time. My problem is that he "likes" it. He clicks that little button after every post he makes that says "Like."

I know you like it! That's why you wrote it! You wouldn't write it if you didn't like! There is absolutely no need to tell the world that you like your own post. It's just stupid, and makes you look like a self-absorbed ass, which, ironically, he is.

In case any of you are wondering who actually does this, I'll give you three clues.

1. He was once a roommate of mine
2. He once assaulted another roommate of mine with my own cooking pot, thereby bringing 8 police officers to my house, all while I was soundly asleept.
3. He is an 18-year-old punk from New York City and Jamaica who was one of the worst roommates I ever had. And that's saying something.

Those of you who know me might have an inkling of who I'm talking about. Those of you who don't? Just ask. I love telling that story.

The moral of the story is - don't "like" yourself on facebook. It's just egotistical and stupid. Don't be a dumbass.

Inaugural Post

Welcome to Rogue Anthropology. I needed something where I could spout my slightly insightful musings and (more importantly) my ridiculous antics. I hope you enjoy.